Depend on the Lord not on mankind, because there will be disappointments.Stay encouraged because mankind is human too. Last night I went with two of the nurse missionaries to Mbabane Hospital to visit one to the TCMI (Life Skills Student) girls. The previous night she had tried to overdose on some heavy medicine. For the past week she had been stopping by my house asking if we could talk. Yet, for some reason I just wasn’t making time for her. The reason is because I felt that I wasn’t making a difference in the place that I was at, because I couldn't see any difference. Yet, just because you can’t see a difference doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. I know that now. I thought I needed to spend more time in a different area of the farm becauwe I was afraid that others would judge me for not spending time with everyone. And I must admit…that is just silly! The people on the farm wouldn’t think like that, but I was trying to be Superwoman.
Anyway, when we went to go visit this girl, the very first thing she says to me is “This wouldn’t have happened if you would’ve made time for me.” The two nurses I went with were a little concerned that I would beat up myself. But thankfully I know who my God is and I wasn’t about to allow Satan to penetrate my heart so easily. The comment bounced off as if she didn’t even say such a thing. However it was what one of the nurses said to me later that caught my attention. “Waheedah, maybe you are called to minister to suicidal people.” I instantly said NO WAY! Its funny how God may call us to things that we think we can’t do (or sometimes don’t even want to do) but he equips us with all the necessary tools. I wrote this poem shortly afterwards.
The foundations of this tree will never spoil because the Lord has placed my seed in the living water.
I shall grow like a tall plant overlooking the city
For my roots aren’t watered by natural water but by grace, mercy, love and compassion.
My fruit is a perfect plum that satisfies the hungry and encourages the weak.
But one plum can’t feed you for a life time. It can only plant another tree
There will be a time that you must let go of me and trust in Him.
For I was used for rescuing but I am not your Redeemer
I am your equal, I am your sister and sin also exists in my life
I too have a caretaker for my source in Jesus
The Amen that satisfied every bit of my endless hunger
The Comforter who has restored my body, mind and soul
And has made me strong through His everlasting love.
When water is still it keeps you in perfect peace
Not by things such as ceasing of winds but the gift of the Holy Spirit
How my soul cries for the manifestation but my flesh stands in the way
So close to touching God, my branch is growing strong and stretching out long
But every time I think it will reach the heavens it drawls back up
I am your equal and I struggle too
But That’s when I see His mighty hand harvesting what I thought was lost.
He uses us even when we give up
Because our foundation is a holy foundation
Our seed is watered by an a diamond pond
That only those who love Him can fully receive
Waheedah Pugh
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